10.40 pm. There you stroll into my
place to collect your stuff, I invite you in graciously. This is the last
goodbye I am ever going to waste, I almost order myself. You ask me if I am
okay and I lie convincingly. The awkward hug, a peck on the cheek. No tears, not
in front of you at least. You wonder if I have any plans for tonight. I don’t.
Dinner? Yes, you wait patiently as I get ready.
You take me to your
favorite restaurant again and I pretend to enjoy the mushy salad yet again. We
avoid eye contact when our song begins to play. Later, over dessert, I look
over at your perfect face, you seem faded. My hands have forgotten how your
skin feels. I notice you have missed a couple of spots while shaving. You
smile. And cause an intense ache in my heart. I smile back, pleasantly
surprised that it has the same effect on you.
Let’s not talk about how
you broke my heart, how I smashed your Blackberry into the wall, about all the
passion that wilted away, the way you stormed out, the way I slammed the door,
all the words that were thrown at each other, vexed looks, irate gestures, petulant
behavior, vicious words, heart wrenching truths, streams of tears. Hurtful.
As you take out your credit
card to pay the bill, I notice you haven’t taken my picture out of your wallet.
Neither have I. We talk, but avoid the questions we really want to ask. You
talk about your mother. I crib about my work. We both listen politely.
Driving along the shore, I
request you to stop. It’s a beautiful night. May we? You oblige. I ask you to
take your shoes off and sit in the sand. You are kind and for once, do not
complain about it. I dig my feet deep into the wet sand. You frown
disapprovingly but only when my head is turned away. We share the headphones,
like we always did. And it would be safe to stick to Rahman.
I reminisce about the fresh
love, the lost love, shy smiles, holding hands, biting into the same bar of
chocolate, sharing an ice-cream. You smile your disarming smile, hide my hand
in yours and promise me that nothing has changed. I shake my head
disappointingly. You remind me of the reasons. You use some of my words. I smile
meekly. You place your arm over my shoulder, our heads touching in collective
dismay, tears streaming down my cheeks. The moonlight bleeds through the sky, blessing
the cursed.
Quietly, we wonder where it
all went wrong. You watch me looking at the stars, wistfully, straining my neck
a little. You take your jacket off and place it on the sand behind us, for our
heads to rest on. I look at you gratefully.
The phone runs out of charge,
silence reigns. Ruptured by the deafening waves & sounds of broken hearts.
We listen, entranced; to keep the silence at bay. You begin to whistle; I try
not to get annoyed. You stop.
I turn my head sideways and
catch you looking at me. Just like the old times. For a moment, we both believe
the lie we have spun for ourselves. Nothing has changed.
